I’m well known for being a passionate woman – mother, business owner, teacher, writer, friend, daughter, sister, niece. Doing it all. Every day. No matter what. And everything to top quality, of course, there’s no other way in my mind.

Which honestly converts to: Tired, overwhelmed, frazzled.

Drowning in life.

Because this is the state of motherhood today…

Check the list.

Get started.

Don’t stop.

Deep breath.

Keep going.

Check the list.

One more thing.

The urgency is simmering just under my skin.

Squeeze in a yoga class so I don’t go over the edge.

But no matter what I’m doing I think…. When is this over so I can get onto the next?

And the next.

I feel the urgency… seriously, right under my skin like my nerves are on constant high alert.

Don’t stop.

Keep going.

Devour a chocolate croissant for a moment of pleasure.

On to the next thing.

Check the list.

Add to the list.

Forget something.

Apologize.

Keep going.

Kiss the kids.

Cook dinner.

Keep going.

One more email.

Deep breath.

Keep going.

Say yes. Again.

One more thing.

Then lay awake at night thinking…

I didn’t do that well enough.

That still needs to get done.

The nerves on high alert, tingling right there under my skin.

Day after day, night after night, doing it all. Being it all.

Late nights up past 1 am to do all. the. things.

A random bottle of wine on a Wednesday just to get through it all. The common prescription for mother’s stress these days – an counterproductive attempt to settle those nerves.

Day after day, with the never-ending fucking list.

And then there’s all the things that don’t even make the list…

Summer clothes that need to be swapped out for winter.

Dead plants in pots.

Pictures waiting to be hung.

The craft project abandoned.

Laundry, in all its states.

Endless decisions to make with decision fatigue being a real thing.

How long is it possible to live this way? How long can we fool ourselves into thinking THIS is “having it all”?

Until our bodies refuse to cooperate… until we’re stuck on the couch for days on end, with a head full of sick and we’re forced to say no, to say stop, to say I can’t.

Quiet days, one after another. Slow days. Cozy days.

Days where the nerves under the skin take a break, eventually.

Days to make us realize we’re not living the life we wanted.

But of course, the option is there to keep going. Most of the time the sickness passses and on we move, full steam ahead. Passionate. Able. On our way.

With our own agenda, and others mixed in.

And we do it again…

Check the list

Add to the list

Keep going

Don’t stop

Deep breath

One more thing

Say yes.

We’ll do it over and over and over again.

That’s the state of motherhood today.

Will we go on living it this way?

Or do we dare to stop and redefine it?

Because this is not what I want.

At no point in my life did I dream of being sucked down a rabbit hole of too busy and never enough. I don’t want to live my days with my head consumed by items on a list. A crazy, never ending state of go faster and do more.

It stops now.

Deep breath.

And another.

Making them count this time.

Pause.

Reflect.

Enjoy.

Revel in the gratitude.

The nerves settle.

We breathe together.

We laugh.

We love.

The supposedly perfect life we’re striving for is so far off from what we actually want, but we go for it, day after day to prove… something… to someone. But a much more “perfect life” can be claimed. One with less. With simplicity. With the important things put first and the rest gracefully forgotten. It’s not easy, as motherhood demands so much from us to can truly feel like we are drowning, but the power is in the choice.

As mothers, WE can choose what our life will be like, how our days will flow. We get to decide if we will buy into the frazzled, never enough urgency. Or if we will take deep breaths that count, spend more time laughing and wholeheartedly choose to live the life we want, while creating the time to enjoy it.

Because this is motherhood. This is our life and we define it.

Let go of the urgency. Let go of the perfection.

Breathe deeply and look around. This life is yours to live, mama.

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